Fuck I’ve gained 3.3kg

Not that I’m surprised.  Eat like a fucking elephant and end up looking like one.

Playback….I’m sick of being fat.  I’m sick of not looking after myself.  blah blah blah I’ve heard it all before and I always think I’m going to change and I never freakin’ do!

So what makes today different?  I’m going on holiday to South Africa (hopefully – need to book tickets today) in October and can’t go looking like this.  I’ll need the whole row of seats the way I’m going.  I was embarrased by how I looked last time and I was nearly 10kg lighter.

Plus I want a baby this year.  Fat women find it harder to fall pregnant.  So, the goal is 23.3kg by October.  I’ve started walking.  Really simple stuff.  Just 20 minutes to start with.  Eating well but not starving myself.  It HAS to happen this time.

Besties again…..

The girl that inspired this blog, the girl that didn’t invite me to her wedding, the girl i thought was going to remain in my past and never be a part of my future….

We are besties again!  After confronting her (rather meekly, through sms) about my feelings and vice-versa, we are back to being good friends again.  Even after the confrontation, things were a little frosty between us…it’s taken a few months to get back into the swing of things.

Sometimes I think about it and I can’t believe we are friends again.  I can’t believe that i have forgiven her.  I usually never forgive.  Even when I say I do I don’t.  Except for this case.  I don’t have any underlying anger, it’s incredible!

Off track….I’ve gone back to my old pattern, habits dammit

I’m back where I was.

I’m frustrated.  Annoyed.

I’m overeating.  I’m ruining myself.

It’s my birthday in a few days.  I’m turning 32.  I need to stop this shit.

My so called ‘friend’ emailed me today…..”I feel like we never talk…it’s worrying me”.

I didn’t respond.

I’m going to send her a text and let her know that she has hurt me.

I’m not sure that we’ll ever be true friends again.

My colleague is becoming more and more frustrating every.  single.  day.

I wanted to stab him with my pen today.

Weight loss tracker

Day 1:  75.0 kg
Day 2:  74.5 kg     Total loss:  0.5kg
Day 3:  74.2 kg     Total loss:  0.8kg

Day 3: Meals and exercise. Total weight loss 0.8kg

Today I weigh:  74.2 kilograms (whoops, Day 2 should have been 74.5kg)

Today I ate:

Breakfast – 3/4 cup of cereal (oat bran and clusters) with half a tinned pear with milk (trim)

Lunch – salad made with lettuce, tuna (95gm tin), boiled egg, tomato, cucumber and carrot and balsamic dressing

Dinner – beef, capsicum, broccoli, onion, zucchini stirfry with noodles.

Today I exercised:

31 min 33 seconds (fast walking and some jogging).  Once I can do the circuit in under 3o minutes, I’ll increase the distance.

Today I feel:

Fantastic!  It was a little hard to wake up this morning and I’m so glad that I pushed through that and kept going.  Tomorrow is the big test.  In the past I never go more than three days.

Day 2: Meals and Exercise

Today I weigh:  74.2 kilograms

Today I ate:

Breakfast – 3/4 cup of cereal (oat bran and clusters) with half a tinned pear with milk (trim)

Lunch – salad made with lettuce, tuna (95gm tin), boiled egg, tomato, cucumber and carrot and balsamic dressing

Dinner – tandoori chicken (own low fat recipe), salad and 1 piece of mountain bread (mountain bread per piece is only 70 cals).

Today I exercised:

32 min 50 seconds (all walking).  Once I can do the circuit in under 3o minutes, I’ll increase the distance.

Today I feel:

GREAT!  I’m so happy that I’m doing this for myself.

If you can measure it, you can change it!

My dad said this pearl of wisdom to me about 18 months ago – I wrote it down in my journal that I was keeping at the time.  I believe that it is a liberating and motivating statement.

If you can measure it, you can change it!  What things can I measure? For instance, one of my 2009 resolutions is to “weigh 53 kilograms by 1 July 2009″.  I can measure a number of things that will help me determine if I am doing the things that I need to do to reach this goal.

Some of these things might be to measure:  my weight, my body measurements, the number of times I exercise each week, the distance that I exercise, the time that I spend exercising, how many healthy meals I eat, number of times I spend meditating and visualizing my weight loss.

So, from today I’m going to record some of these measurements.  I’m going to start with the distance that I am walking each morning and how long it is taking me.  To record the distance I’m using the website http://www.trails.com

It’s really easy to use, just zoom in on the globe to find your location and then draw your route by clicking on the map.  My route is 3.6 kilometres which is about 2.2 miles.  I’m currently walking it is 32 minutes, 50 seconds.  An improvement from yesterday which was 34 min, 15 sec.

My weight today is 74.7 kilograms.

Day 1: Meals and exercise

Today I ate:

Breakfast – 3/4 cup of cereal (oat bran and clusters) with half a tinned pear with milk (trim)

Lunch – couscous salad made with lettuce, couscous, tomato, cucumber and carrot and balsamic dressing

Dinner – chicken, baked mushroom and salad.

Today I exercised:

34 min 15 seconds (all walking).  Once I can do the circuit in under 3o minutes, I’ll increase the distance.

Day 1: Progress towards my goals (2009 resolutions)

To make myself accountable towards achieving my goals, I have decided to track them publicly on my blog.  Too often I spend time thinking about my goals and the future and then simply forget about them.

1. Weigh 53 kilograms by 1 July 2009.
Today’s weight:  75.0 kilograms

2. Live in a tidy, clean, well decorated house – turn our house into a ‘home’

The house is looking good!  I tidied up for just 20 minutes last night before I went to bed and it was like waking up to a new home this morning.  Something as simple as washing up the dishes straight after dinner makes such a HUGE difference.

I also did all of the ironing for the week yesterday so this morning, before getting ready for work, I have a little time to spend writing about how I’m achieving my goals.

3. Earn additional income outside of my day-to-day job

I have a few ideas on this that I’m still working through in my mind.

4. Improve my relationship with my husband

I have to admit, I haven’t started thinking about what is the very next action that I can do that will make my husband’s life better.  I did spend a couple of hours yesterday morning helping him prepare a study timetable.  He’s starting studying to become a CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst) and the course work is TOUGH.

5. Run 10 kilometres (6.2 miles) without stopping

This is one of my favourite resolutions!!

I walked this morning – not sure of the distance.  But I walked for 34 minutes.  Once I have this route completed in 30 minutes, I’ll add more distance.  I’m slowly building into the running.  Too often I started an exercise routine and never make it to day 4.

6. Plan an overseas holiday (to go in 2010).

I started looking at flights last night just to get a really rough idea of how much it will cost and how much money we need to start putting away on a monthly basis.

Just on money, my husband and I have started a new budget this year for 2009.  We were hit pretty badly with the whole worldwide stock market crash and need to start building up our reserves again.  So, we’ve implemented a pretty simple process.  Each week, I withdraw $300.  $200 is for groceries and then we each get $50 each.  That $50 has to pay for anything that we want, so if there is something that costs more than $50 then we need to save for it over a few weeks (or months).  I’m looking forward to this, I really think it’s going to work.

Anyway, today is my first day back at work in 2 weeks.  I need to make lunches, have a shower, hang washing up and eat breakfast and check facebook!

Weight:  75 kilograms [Goal is 53 kg by 1 July 2009]

2009 resolutions

Okay, I realise that it is now the 4th of January 2009 and this makes this list of resolutions a little late.   But there is a method to my madness.  I’m one of these people that like to only make life changing actions on a Sunday or Monday.  So today is Sunday and I’m ready to go!

I’ll add to my resolutions as I think more about them.

1.  Weigh 53 kilograms by 1 July 2009.  I currently weigh 76 kilograms, so that’s a 23 kilogram loss.  I think that I’ll be pushing it to lose the weight by 1 July 2008 – it’s an average of just under 4kg a month. Another achievement from this resolution is to lower my Real Age.  Last time I checked my Real Age was in my 40’s and I’m only 31.

2.  Live in a tidy, clean, well decorated house – turn our house into a ‘home’. Our house is a bit of a disaster.  I spend way too much time on the internet and not enough time keeping the house orderly.  This is part of the “Simplify Your Life” book, which is to clear out the clutter.  It’s going to take me some time to do this, but at least it will keep me from eating in front of the television!  Two birds, one stone!

3.  Earn additional income outside of my day-to-day job.  I work as an analyst and I earn pretty good money.  I don’t want to continue working for someone else for the rest of my life.  I want the freedom that comes with working for myself.  I believe that there is still plenty of money to be made on the internet and I’m going to use 2009 to develop my website and second income (which will eventually become sole income).  I want to be rich.

4.  Improve my relationship with my husband.  I really need to show my husband that I care about him and that he is wanted and needed in my life.  It’s important that I show my husband that I am attracted to him.

5.  Run 10 kilometres (6.2 miles) without stopping.  I used to be a runner.  I want to be a runner again.

6.  Plan an overseas holiday (to go in 2010).

Need a coffee, it’s 7am on Sunday morning.